


Later, Tater

by Ankaret



Category: Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Epistolary, Multi, Teacher-Student Relationship, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankaret/pseuds/Ankaret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the Internet, no one knows you're a wolf...</p><p>Warning for moderately bad language, sexual themes, general darkness, an abundance of txt spk, and casual mention of Jim Carrey mpreg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Later, Tater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kassidy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kassidy/gifts).



> 'Power into will, will into appetite;  
> And appetite, a universal wolf,  
> So doubly seconded with will and power,  
> Must make perforce a universal prey'
> 
> \- Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida

**Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

Plentyoftreesintheforest.com is the LOCAL social network that cares about YOU! We're glad to have you here with us! Why not drop some leaves to some friends and colleagues and watch your network grow!

Would you like to add your Real Name to your profile?

Would you like to set up a blog?

You have (0) new messages.

**

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to GRANNYGLASSES

hey

add me mutha

it's your fault I'm here

i could have stayed on fb but u had to find the retro hipster place

haha

later, tater

**

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

GRANNYGLASSES has friended you!  
BIGCHOPPER4U has friended you!  
WHERESMYAIRSHIP has friended you!  
CAKEBITCA has friended you!

You have joined the following groups:

\- CAKES for the Occupy Forest City protesters!  
\- Liberal Arts students REPRESENT  
\- Forest City Red Caps fan masseeeeeev  
\- Diss Beliebers

You have (3) new messages.

\--

Message from GRANNYGLASSES to REDCAPSLUVR

You're here! Took you long enough. I told you, I can't go back on Facebook, I'm boycotting it in honour of Marcy Zuckerberg from my dorm. She had her account frozen and no one ever saw her again. Actually that's not true, I saw her this morning, but it was mega awkward. Ice cream headache of the soul. Brrr. So I'm going cold turkey on fb and choosing the local alternative instead.

Want to meet for lunch on Thursday? Starbucks by the bookstore? I have Introduction to Poetry in the afternoon – need caffeine to keep my eyelids open and syrup to keep my sugar levels up! I don't know what the guy who's supposed to be teaching it is like but his TA is a yaaaawn. If it keeps up like this, I may have to start cutting my latte with Pixi Stix.

If I'm carried off to a reeducation camp by the Starbucks Café Cops for bringing in my own food, I rely on you to get my picture on all the milk cartons and to go on morning TV sobbing and saying you miss me.

Later, tater…

\--

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to GRANNYGLASSES

yeah, turdsday is ok, might be awake by 12 ha ha

hear u about the ta, u shd c the girl teaches us plato

looks like she bought her clothes from pluto

planet or disney dog, u pick

l8r t8r

\--

Message from BIGCHOPPER4U to REDCAPSLUVR

hi beautiful a/s/l,,, photo?  
\--

Message from CAKEBITCA to REDCAPSLUVR

Hi! Thanks for joining my group. This week's recipe is earth-friendly coconut caramel fair trade banana crunch cookies. Please be outside the Delta Gamma Kappa house at 9.30 sharp with your batch in a PLAIN basket lined with CREAM or FAWN satin so that we can distribute cakes to the protesters.

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

MARCYZUCKS has friended you!

You have left the following groups:

\- CAKES for the Occupy Forest City protesters!

WHERESMYAIRSHIP has invited you to join the following group:

\- Rouged Chaperones steampunk night

You have (2) new messages.

\--

Message from BIGCHOPPER4U to REDCAPSLUVR

did u see the caps v warriors game?  
im an admin i can get you special stuff if,,, yr nice to me

u wanna be nice 2 me beautiful girl?

\--

Message from WHERESMYAIRSHIP to REDCAPSLUVR

Come along to Forest City's first steampunk evening, ROUGED CHAPERONES at THE ENCHANTED all-ages club! Enjoy a fashion show and tables from local vendors.

Music from Drowned Wolf Orchestra, The Hassenpflug Sisters and Ladle Rat.

Wear tweed or goggles, brass or corsetry, sip iced tea and share tales of derring do! Entrance $15, $10 with student card.

\--

Message from GRANNYGLASSES to REDCAPSLUVR

O.M.G. Introduction to Poetry should be called Introduction to PORN!

later, tater!

\--

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to GRANNYGLASSES

wat u mean porn?????

cant leave me hangin like dat

get on chat I want to talk to you

not too much later, tater

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

MARCYZUCKS has invited you to play MyTraumaHospital!  
MARCYZUCKS has invited you to play Whiny Octopi!  
MARCYZUCKS has invited you to play Beswizzled!  
MARCYZUCKS has invited you to play High Calorie Tycoon!  
MARCYZUCKS has invited you to play Puzzle Pilgrims!

GRANNYGLASSES has invited you to chat.

Connecting to chat… please wait

REDCAPSLUVR: hi u thar?  
GRANNYGLASSES: hi  
REDCAPSLUVR: porn? wtf? what kind of poetry are u studying?  
GRANNYGLASSES: YOu should see Prof Wolfe. Porn on legs.  
GRANNYGLASSES: think he's got a page here with photos  
GRANNYGLASSES: OMG  
REDCAPSLUVR: u had 2 much sugar in ur latte  
GRANNYGLASSES: God, you should just see him and you'd understand. Can't describe it.  
REDCAPSLUVR: try  
GRANNYGLASSES: found photos  
GRANNYGLASSES: here's the link:  wolfe.plentyoftreesintheforest.com/pics/personal  
REDCAPSLUVR: nice eyes  
GRANNYGLASSES: I know right? They're amazing in person.  
REDCAPSLUVR: nice shoulders  
GRANNYGLASSES: Bet he works out. Such an alpha male.  
REDCAPSLUVR: nice dentistry  
REDCAPSLUVR: his hair's wierd tho.  
REDCAPSLUVR: so thick but not shiny – kind of like rough fur  
REDCAPSLUVR: black and silver fur -  
GRANNYGLASSES: Maybe you should be the one taking intro to poetry  
GRANNYGLASSES: you're waxing poetic already  
GRANNYGLASSES: and you weren't there to see him read donne  
GRANNYGLASSES: batter my heart – all about how he basically wants god to come and sexually harass him  
GRANNYGLASSES: but he had this amazing sexy growl in his voice  
GRANNYGLASSES: seriously  
GRANNYGLASSES: made me wish I was god.  
GRANNYGLASSES: Steve Carell God, not Jim Carrey god  
GRANNYGLASSES: I hate that guy  
GRANNYGLASSES: and yet thought of sexy teacher makes even Wolfe/Jim Carrey hot  
REDCAPSLUVR: hahaha bitch  
REDCAPSLUVR: u r god  
REDCAPSLUVR: god of taters  
GRANNYGLASSES: ha ha  
REDCAPSLUVR: i will write u wolfe / carrey  
GRANNYGLASSES: i dare u  
GRANNYGLASSES: write mpreg  
REDCAPSLUVR: but seriously maybe I should sit in on one of yr classes  
REDCAPSLUVR: check he's right 4 u  
REDCAPSLUVR: u know, as a concerned friend  
REDCAPSLUVR: n also as research for my tatery mpreg epic.  
GRANNYGLASSES: Hey, my laundry finished, gotta go  
GRANNYGLASSES: Later, lil tater  
REDCAPSLUVR: l8r t8r

… Chat closed.

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

Do you want plentyoftreesintheforest.com to automatically tag pictures that it thinks may be of you?

Do you want us to make your personal information available to our financial partners?

Plentyoftreesintheforest.come would like to add specially selected advertisements to your photo albums, is this OK?

CLASSICFILMFAN has friended you!  
CAKEBITCA has unfriended you!  
CAKEBITCA has sent you a virtual gift: PLATE OF ROTTEN CAKES

You have joined the following groups:

\- Red Caps new season picks chat  
\- We Love Poetry

You have (4) new messages

\--

Message from BIGCHOPPER4U to REDCAPSLUVR

don’t block me,,, that’s not nice  
i can see what u do im an admin  
so watch out  
a tree falls in the,,, forest i hear it]  
im everywhere  
im a ninja,,,, haha  
seriously ur cute tho

\--

Message from CLASSICFILMFAN to REDCAPSLUVR

Hi Recapsluvr, I noticed your user name & see you love recaps! This week I will be recapping the classic horror movie 'I ATE YOUR GRANDMOTHER'. Why not subscribe to my blog?

\--

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to REALITYTVFAN

luv the RED CAPS not RECAPS … sigh

go caps!

go away sad luzr.

got it?

\--

Message from MARCYZUCKS to REDCAPSLUVR

Hey, have you seen grannyglasses lately? She hasn't been around the dorm. Some of her hometown friends showed up looking for her, it was a bit embarrassing not to know where she was. Is she working a second job or something? I don't want to pry, I just know you're pretty close, is all.

Are you going to the steampunk evening? I don't know what to wear!

You should really play Whiny Octopi. It's a lot of fun!

\--

Message from WOLFE to REDCAPSLUVR

…hi.

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

Do you want to add your Real Name to your profile?

Do you want to add anyone else's Real Name to their profile?

Do you want to add your Social Security Number to your profile?

You should not add your Social Security Number to your profile. Internet security is important! Please see the urgent message from the Admin Team below!

MARCYZUCKS has invited you to join the group: Save the Campus Bookstore!  
MARCYZUCKS has tagged you in an album: Best Friends

GRANNYGLASSES has ignored your request to chat.

You have (1) new message.

\--

Message from ADMINTEAM to ALL USERS

Internet security is very important. Please make sure you choose a strong password and change it regularly. Keep yourself safe from identity thieves!

Thanks,

BIGCHOPPER4U, admin team

\--

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to GRANNYGLASSES

yo bitch

im worried about u

so is marcy

wat up?

l8r… u know the rest

\--

Message from REDCAPSLUVR to WOLFE

… hi, yourself.

 

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

Your messages contain content which is not suitable for under 18s. Please confirm that you are over 18.

WOLFE has friended you!  
WOLFE has shared a picture album with you!

You have (1) new message

\--

Message from CLASSICFILMFAN to REDCAPSLUVR

Hi! This week I will be recapping the classic xxxploitation movie 'Throw Your Clothes On The Fire, Little Girl'. Why not subscribe to my blog?

\--

Message from REDCAPLUVR to CLASSICFILMFAN

omg GO AWAY

thnx

\--

Message from REDCAPLUVR to WOLFE

hi… liked ur pics

got more?

liked hearing u read from troilus and cressida too

that speech about appetite, the universal wolf…

cool

sad story tho

u wouldnt do anything with a student would u

\--

Message from WOLFE to REDCAPLUVR

Wouldn't I?

\--

GRANNYGLASSES has invited you to chat.

Connecting to chat… please wait

GRANNYGLASSES: hi  
REDCAPSLUVR: omg I should beat ur sick ass  
REDCAPSLUVR: i was so worried  
REDCAPSLUVR: thought youd been raped thrown in dumpstr  
REDCAPSLUVR: marcy too  
GRANNYGLASSES: Hey, Marcy may be a little wild, but she's not the 'rape your roomie and throw her in a dumpster' type.  
GRANNYGLASSES: Not at this time of the year anyhow. Maybe at spring break.  
REDCAPSLUVR: i mean marcy was worried 2  
REDCAPSLUVR: u jerk  
REDCAPSLUVR: where u been  
GRANNYGLASSES: Can you keep a secret?  
REDCAPSLUVR: u know it bitch  
GRANNYGLASSES: So I've been having a little afternoon delight.  
GRANNYGLASSES: Hot for teacher.  
GRANNYGLASSES: You know what I'm saying?  
REDCAPSLUVR: omg u and wolfe????  
GRANNYGLASSES: yeah  
GRANNYGLASSES: he's been in my bed  
GRANNYGLASSES: it's like he knows exactly how he's going to make me feel and then he makes me feel it, god, it's like he's in my *skin*…  
GRANNYGLASSES: that sounds like he's really controlled and clinical, he's not, wow, he's  
GRANNYGLASSES: god, so passionate, like an animal  
REDCAPSLUVR: durty bitch!  
GRANNYGLASSES: jealous!  
REDCAPSLUVR: honestly?  
REDCAPSLUVR: yeah  
GRANNYGLASSES: I'll share.  
REDCAPSLUVR: don't jerk me around, princess bitch  
GRANNYGLASSES: u know u want me. Us. You want us.  
REDCAPSLUVR: you and wolfe and me?  
REDCAPSLUVR: yeah. real funny. but seriously u have to check in at the dorm sometime. marcys really worried. she cares bout u.  
REDCAPSLUVR: so do i bitch.  
GRANNYGLASSES: Then come over here and prove it.  
GRANNYGLASSES: IN BED.  
REDCAPSLUVR: … the hell?  
REDCAPSLUVR: crazy ass bitch u mean it?  
REDCAPSLUVR: u and me and hot teacher?  
GRANNYGLASSES: Hell yeah.  
REDCAPSLUVR: im going to come over there and beat ur ass  
GRANNYGLASSES: spank me huh? bring it.  
REDCAPSLUVR: damn ur crazy.  
REDCAPSLUVR: i seriously am coming over there  
GRANNYGLASSES: bring it  
GRANNYGLASSES: bi  
REDCAPSLUVR: hell yeah i guess ur bi u hot bitch  
GRANNYGLASSES: no i mean bi bi, like bye bye  
REDCAPSLUVR: l8r sex t8r  
REDCAPSLUVR: t8r?

GRANNYGLASSES has quit the chat.

… Chat closed.

***

 **Welcome to www.plentyoftreesintheforest.com, REDCAPSLUVR!**

You have contacted our Admin Team recently. Your message is important to us and will be answered as soon as possible.

You have (3) new messages

Message from MARCYZUCKS to REDCAPSLUVR

Do you think I should tell someone about grannyglasses? I don't want to get her into trouble, but I haven't seen her in a while and I'm really getting worried now. She was supposed to meet me before the Introduction to Poetry class on Thursday to discuss The Rape of the Lock and she didn't show up.

I mean, even if she's had a bad breakup or something, we should at least take her a muffin basket and a mix tape to show we care, right? Or is that too pushy? I really don't want to get her in trouble or anything but I think someone should do something.

Let me know what you think. I'm really worried about her! I can pay for the muffin basket if you put the mixtape on a USB stick? I mean, then she can play it on her laptop. She likes Sköll and retro stuff like The Huntsmen. I'm overthinking this. Sorry.

But seriously, I am pretty worried. You know her better than I do. Can you call her parents / family and see if she's staying with them? I just want to know she's OK!

\--

Message from ERRORQUERY to REDCAPSLUVR

Hi.

Thank you for your error report / feedback / suggestion.

We see that you are concerned that :

 _> >>my friend always signs off with 'later tater' and she didnt this time, can you check her isp?>>> or maybe that wouldn’t work if someone stole her laptop, i dunno but im worried n so is marci zuckerberg._

We are sorry that this is not something we can help you with. If you are concerned about a student's safety, we suggest you contact the Campus Police or the Student / Faculty Safety Liaison. Your Student / Faculty Safety Liaison is:

 _> >>PROFESSOR B. WOLFE._

Your safety is important to us. We hope this message has been of use to you. Please do not hesitate to write us back if you have any more questions, however, please note that replies to this mailbox are not monitored.

Yours

BIGCHOPPER4U, Admin Team

\--

Message from WOLFE to REDCAPSLUVR

… hi.

We missed you last night. Maybe some other time? I'll cook.

\--

Message from WOLFE to REDCAPSLUVR

… Too scared to answer my messages, little girl? You know that's not going to work out. Come outside the walls, Cressida. You know you're thinking about it. Come and take a walk on the wild side.

Or maybe you're too scared. That's OK, too. But you'll never know what you're missing.

I'll be waiting for your knock at the door.

… later, tater.


End file.
